I have always wanted to go into labor on my own. With my first three kiddos, various medical reasons cropped up and I ended up needing to be induced. The epidural I received for Little Einstein's birth caused nerve damage and I had 8 months of physical therapy and tons of restrictions before I could successfully walk without a cane and get back to normal life again. With baby number four, Cory, my OBGYN, and I all agreed that an epidural would not be an option.
Fast forward to me waking up to contractions throughout the wee morning hours of the day I hit 39 weeks. By 3:30 am I couldn't go back to sleep between them. Cory headed into work at 4:20 and I told him that there was a really good chance I would be telling him to come home. I texted him just before 5 asking when his first staff member arrives because this was getting intense and the contractions were 3-5 minutes apart. He got in touch with the assistant manager and asked her to head in early. I texted my parents, who were living 30 minutes away, and asked them to come down and watch the other kids so we could head to the hospital. By 6:45 they were here and Cory was home. We grabbed the last few things and headed in.
We arrived at the hospital and I was freaking out because I didn't want to be sent home with how strong the contractions were getting. We were checked into the room by a nurse who wasn't ours, but said she was covering for ours for a few minutes. Then she said I wasn't very dilated but my nurse would check in an hour to see if that had changed. I knew if it hadn't, we would be heading home. Then my nurses came in. We had two (one was in training) and they were both awesome. They hooked me up to the monitors and on the first contraction the baby's heart rate plummeted, then disappeared entirely.
Instantly our room was flooded with 7-8 nurses and a doctor who had been passing in the hall. They shoved an oxygen mask on my face and frantically tried to find the baby by moving the monitor around as the doctor introduced himself. After a few agonizing minutes they found the heartbeat again. It was steady so the extra nurses and doctor headed out. My nurse made the comment that I wasn't going anywhere after that and next thing we knew we were being admitted to the hospital.
The next couple hours were spent staring at the monitor. Thankfully, I had studied up on a few natural birthing methods and felt pretty prepared for laboring without an epidural. I didn't anticipate that I wouldn't be able to move. I had to lay motionless curled up on my right side the entire time. Any time I sat up, rolled over, lay on my left side, or stood the baby's heart rate would immediately plummet. My doctor gave me some time to see if we could avoid a c-section, but because of the baby's position I wasn't dilating fast enough. They tried to get him to move but he wouldn't have it. The plummets became more and more frequent with the nurses running in each time as we all stared at the screen praying it would go back up. It reached the point that the plummets came with every other contraction and stopped rising back up quickly when my doctor made the call to do an emergency c-section.
Cory was told to quickly get into the sterile clothes and I was rushed into the operating room and very quickly prepared for the c-section. I had turned down any offering of pain relief during the labor and after a while they stopped asking. Since his heart was struggling they didn't want pain medicine for me to affect him, which I was in complete agreement with. However, having labor pain and being prepped for emergency surgery while having intense contractions 1-3 minutes apart and being terrified for my little baby was absolutely miserable. I began to shake and cry from the pain and stress. Once everything was prepped I was put under general anesthesia and was oblivious to everything that happened for the next hour.
The rest is what Cory later relayed to me. Once they put me under he waited in an adjacent room with huge glass windows where 5-6 nurses and a NICU doctor were waiting for when our little guy was born. It was a very short time from when I went under to when they had him out and Cory remembers seeing our baby but hearing nothing, other than the nurses saying to each other, "Did you hear a cry? I didn't hear a cry!" The operating room nurse came running with our little one, who was quickly turning blue instead of pink, into the room the other nurses, doctor, and Cory were waiting in. Cory was told as she came that if the baby's heart rate was under 60 they would immediately begin CPR. Everyone sprung into action and someone took his heart rate and shouted out, "It's only 20! No wait, 35, 40, it's rising, 60, 70!"
While his heart rate was going up, he still wasn't breathing so he was put on a ventilator. Cory said he heard our little guy's first sounds when he was around 7 minutes old and he grunted. Once stabilized he was moved up to the NICU. He had very low blood sugar and was given formula through a feeding tube and he was given x-rays of his lungs. Once everything had calmed down Cory asked how I was doing and they brought him to see me in the recovery room.
The first thing I remember is waking up and seeing my two nurses standing by me. I quickly asked if the baby was okay to which they responded, "We think he will be. He is in the NICU with your husband." Then I remember feeling completely overcome with excruciating pain. Shortly after that Cory arrived. He asked how I was feeling. I told him I felt like someone cut me open! He said that seemed fitting, considering someone did. It ended up taking the nurses almost an hour before they could figure out how to give me pain medication through an old piece of equipment--not fun.
My Dad joined us a short time later and he and Cory gave me a priesthood blessing, then they headed up to the NICU to be with our little guy and give him a blessing as well. After a few hours I was taken to the NICU where I got to meet my little baby and Cory and I agreed on his name, which shall be "Carrot Top" to the Internet world. They laid him beside me in my hospital bed, with all his tubes and wires, and I fell deeply in love with my little Carrot Top. I was told that other than his breathing he was doing great, and as soon as he figured out how to do that on his own he would be able to leave the NICU and join me in my room. Cory stayed with him and my Dad came with me. When Carrot Top hit about 4 hours old he was released from the NICU and Cory and Carrot Top were sent to the regular nursery for his bath and check up down there. He was 5 1/2 hours old when they joined me in my room. The next day Spiderman, Princess Unicorn, and Little Einstein were able to come meet their new baby brother and they all loved him right away. Even Little Einstein thought he was a pretty awesome addition to our family.
Carrot Top was 20 3/4 inches tall, but amidst all the craziness they were not able to get an accurate birth weight. It came in as 7 lbs 15 oz, but they were attaching tubes to him and listening to his heart, so he wasn't alone on the scale. It had dropped to 6 lbs 14 oz by the next morning, which the nurses were saying couldn't be right. He ended up at 6 lbs 10 oz when we left the hospital and he was 3 days old. The doctor thinks he was probably around 7 lbs 4 oz at birth, but he started gaining weight after we got him home so it all worked out.
We feel so blessed by the many miracles surrounding the birth of Carrot Top. From having family close to watch the kids so we could get to the hospital and arriving when we did so we knew that my movements were putting him in distress, to the amazing doctors and nurses who were able to save the life of our little boy. We are very thankful to our Heavenly Father for the many blessings we received, and I am so glad that we decided to have him in a skilled hospital that quickly identified when his life was in danger and saved him before it was too late.
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
Tuesday, July 11, 2017
Sweet Baby Number 3
I wrote this post almost two and a half years ago but never published it. I have recently decided to return to blogging about our family life again so here it is. Better late than never, right?
We had been trying and hoping to add baby number 3 for a while when we found out we were pregnant. We were completely ecstatic! I had an oddly normal pregnancy. With Spiderman and Princess Unicorn I had really rough morning sickness that lasted the whole 9 months. Well, technically I had month 7 off of morning sickness with Spiderman but it came back with a vengeance month 8. This time around it was much more manageable. I was able to function pretty normally and chalked it up to the fact I was going to Zumba 3 times a week and much more active than during my last two pregnancies, but I couldn't get rid of the fear in the back of my mind that something was different with this baby.
We had to wait until 22 1/2 weeks for our gender ultrasound. Really? I was going crazy wanting to know if the little tyke would be a boy or a girl. The week of the appointment was absolutely insane. The Tuesday of that week we had an EEG for sweet Princess Unicorn, Wednesday was the ultrasound, followed by the Thursday check up with the OB and then Friday was a ward dinner Cory and I were in charge of. Due to the ward dinner, we spent the week prepping different foods at our home pretty much every day and having people over to help with the food prep along with passing out fliers, collecting decorations, and organizing everything else for the dinner. Those who know our little Spiderman know that he is a very energetic little guy. He is one of the sweetest and kindest kids I know but really struggles with sitting still and focusing. Just before the week began we were informed that primary, his church class, was going poorly with him and had a meeting to try and figure out how to help him more. It was a crazy week. I kept thinking, "Princess Unicorn has what we think are Absence Seizures, Spiderman has energy and focusing problems at church, I just hope and pray everything is okay with the baby."
The day of the ultrasound came and it was amazing. I love ultrasounds. It is so fun to see the little one growing inside of me. :) I remember she took a really long time examining the little one's head. We switched to a new office so I thought that she was probably just a lot more detailed than our past ultrasound offices and enjoyed seeing the little one. She wasn't a really talkative person, so a lot of the time I wasn't sure what she was looking at. Then she said we were going to see the arms and she couldn't find one of them. I don't mean a, hmmm.. where is the arm? There it is! I mean a full on 5 minutes of her looking for the baby's arm. I was seriously wondering if there was one! She eventually found it tucked behind the baby's back and moved on. She went through the rest of the ultrasound and after convincing the little one to change positions we discovered that we were expecting a boy. I was so happy. Spiderman and Princess Unicorn are going to have a baby brother! I absolutely loved the boy name we picked out and was thrilled that we would get to use it. Everything was great! We headed home to share the good news with the cute little pictures she printed out for us in hand and I just kept praying and thanking Heavenly Father that we had a healthy and strong little boy.
The doctor appointment went great, then came the Friday dinner. CRAZY!!!! I had about 35 minutes that entire day where I was not working on something for the dinner. It was a long, intense evening. M, our exchange student from Japan, was amazing and watched the kids for me in the afternoon so I could be at the church helping set up. I kept thinking, "Princess Unicorn's EEG is done so we just have to wait for the results, we are trying essential oils with Spiderman and they are working great at helping him focus and be calmer, the baby is healthy and strong and this dinner will be done tonight and I can relax again!"
Then I got the phone call. I was busy grabbing a few things at home to run to the dinner when the phone rang. I saw it was my OBGYN's office. I have never gotten a call from them other than appointment reminders so I knew this was probably important. When I answered and heard the doctor's voice as opposed to a nurse, I knew something was going on. He said a bunch of things along the lines of "these things typically turn out fine" and "don't worry about them" before he got to the point. They had found a few abnormalities during the ultrasound. The baby's right kidney is dilated. "Okay," I thought, "I have heard of that before. I know that it is more common in boys, generally fixes itself before birth and mostly just means an increased risk of Down syndrome." I wrote it down on the nearest paper I could find and he went on. Babies have fluid compartments in their brains and our baby had one that is larger than the other. That wasn't something I had heard of and didn't even have time to process it as I wrote it down and he continued. My placenta is too low so to be careful with what I do and watch for bleeding and we would have an ultrasound in two months with a specialist in Provo to get more information on the baby and then he hung up. I finished writing and ran to continue setting up for the dinner and gave Cory a quick call to update him on what the doctor said.
I was working with the other committee members hanging snowflakes at church when it hit me--something may be wrong with the baby's brain. The kidney is one thing, fairly common, normally fixes itself, not too much to worry about. The brain? I felt so lost and confused. I wanted to run home and jump on Google and find out what in the world it meant. I couldn't believe I didn't ask the doctor more questions! I just wrote it down and kept going on. So much was happening in my mind. I was trying so hard to keep on task with this dinner and ended up locking myself in the church library so I could text my best friend that they had found abnormalities and get some kind of support. She offered to google for me but I told her that one of them was with the brain and so I was worried about what she would find and didn't want to be bawling while trying to serve dinner to 100 adults from my ward. She was kind and supportive and seemed to know just what to say to get me to calm down and not burst into tears and I was able to get back to work and pretend everything was fine. The dinner went well. It was a crazy night but I had an amazing committee (and chef/husband/co-chair) and everything came together. Then I went home and the internet searching began.
I mostly focused on the brain issue, which I learned was called Unilateral Ventriculomegaly. As long as the fluid compartment is not above a certain range, the babies tend to turn out normal, as long as there is not a chromosome abnormality (the most common of which is Down syndrome). They mention a lot that if this is the only abnormality, then the babies are almost always fine, but that the risk is greatly increased if another abnormality is present pointing towards a chromosome issue (hmm... like a dilated kidney?). From the many articles I read on both issues, it seemed our chance for this cute little guy having Down syndrome was somewhere between 1:10 and 1:3, depending on the study and website I found.
I should comment here that I absolutely love children with Down syndrome. I was blessed to spend many, many hours volunteering and working at a special needs school and I really enjoyed the children I was able to serve. I also was able to work with children for 4 summers at a Family Camp where I would sometimes have a child up for the week who had special needs. I was always excited when I was told there would be a child with Down syndrome in my class. Those kids were always fun and spunky little ones (I worked with kids 3-5 years old and under depending on the year) and I loved having them in my class and getting to know them. One of my favorite kids I have ever met I was able to have in my class for the whole summer because she lived at the camp with her family. I loved spending so much time with her! I remember deciding that when I was "grown up" I wanted to adopt a child with Down syndrome.
Fast forward to the present time again. As I was doing all of this reading on Google I felt relieved. This little guy will either be normal or have Down syndrome. I can handle that. I can do that. Then the unknown started to set in. This was a really hard time for me. I didn't cry about it. Every experience I have had with children who have Down syndrome has taught me that these are extremely special children and I wasn't upset or angry that there is such a high chance our little guy has it. I think I was feeling more lost. The work I have done has involved children ages 3 to young adult. I have zero experience with Down syndrome infants. What do I expect? How do I care for the baby? Will he be like my other babies? What special help will he need? How will other people treat him? Will other people stare at him a lot? Will he be treated differently? Will people be constantly telling me they are sorry or they wish we didn't have to deal with this? Or perhaps, that they wish he was "normal?" The more I thought about it these concerns ate at me. Especially the concerns over how he would be treated. I loved him already and was looking towards this experience with as much optimism as I could muster but the fear of what others would say about my little boy and the way he would be treated were driving me crazy!
One interesting moment I had was the first time I formally prayed with my family after the phone call. I think it was probably breakfast with my kids the next day. I always include the new baby in the prayers I say, particularly that the baby will be healthy and strong. This time I paused. I have no idea how long I paused in real time but if felt like a while to me. I thought, "Do I keep praying for this when we know something may well be wrong with the baby?" Then I thought, "You prayed that the baby is healthy and strong. That is what has always mattered to you, what you have always wanted. What have you been told? Is the baby strong? Yes. Is the baby healthy? Yes. These abnormalities may affect the baby's cognitive function and/or chromosome count, but the baby is healthy and strong." I felt relieved and blessed and continued with the prayer, thanking Heavenly Father for the baby being healthy and strong and asking that the baby continue to remain healthy and strong.
I didn't tell anyone, other than the best friend I had already texted and Cory, that anything was going on with the baby. I didn't want negativity entering in when I was fighting to stay positive. Mostly I was going absolutely insane not knowing. When we opted out of prenatal genetic testing my thought was, I would be fine finding out our little one has Down syndrome or another genetic problem at birth. It never occurred to me that we could receive abnormal ultrasounds and spend the rest of the pregnancy not knowing. I kept thinking, I am fine either way but I have to know! I am a huge preparer and not knowing what to prepare for was infuriating. After two weeks, I couldn't do it anymore. I was breaking down into tears constantly (not because of the possible diagnoses, but because of the stress of not knowing), avoiding people and spending every moment my kids were asleep googling the abnormalities again and again as if the right website would pop up saying, Ashley, your child does/does not have Down syndrome.
After breaking down to my best friend one day, I am pretty sure her prayers on my behalf were answered. I had the thought that I should research how to deal with uncertainty. I read a mostly unhelpful article which had one amazing, "Duh!" moment for me. The author said when she did not know where her family would be moving and would not find out until just before the move, she planned for both places. That way she was set with either one. It took more time to make two plans but was worth it in the end because they were totally prepared for each outcome. DUH!!!!! Why on earth did I not think of that!? I felt free! I would make a plan for if the little guy comes with a regular number of chromosomes and a plan for if he comes with Down syndrome. Either way, we would be prepared.
I researched everything I could find on Down Syndrome infants and newborns and was surprised how hard it is to find information. It took a while but I started to find the resources I was looking for. I learned that they have poor muscle tone. My infant carrier, which I loved with my other two kids, would not work for this little guy. I researched which one to buy if he has Down syndrome. I read all about the breastfeeding problems they can have due to the low muscle tone and different things to try. I already had a shopping list of things we still need for baby boy but I made a second list of things to add if he has Down syndrome. I started to feel so much less stressed and life continued to go on.
One thing continued to bother me. Whenever I thought of the baby, I thought about whether the baby has Down syndrome or not. Will he be "normal" or not? I was having the hardest time thinking of my baby in any other way. As I read birth stories of Down syndrome infants I saw that many of them commented on how when they looked at their baby, they saw a diagnosis, not a newborn. I realized that was exactly what I was doing when I thought of my baby. I was thinking,"Does he have this diagnosis or not?" I wasn't sure how to stop doing it but it was really bothering me. A friend of mine has a baby boy who is 4 months old and I got to hold him the other day. I loved holding him but the whole time I kept thinking, will my son be like this or will I have to hold him differently because of poor muscle tone? Will he look like this or will his nose and eyes be shaped different? Will he be able to hold his head up? I wanted to stop focusing on these issues and just see the little baby growing inside me as my baby again but I had no idea how.
As I was looking for a good blog to help me know how a Down syndrome baby would be different from a regular baby, I found this amazing site, http://theamazingellagrace.blogspot.com This mother has written since her daughter Ella's birth and she is now in 1st grade. I was able to read all about what she was like for her first years and it was amazing. While I was able to see the differences, I was able to see something even more precious, her little personality, her traits that were so much like her brother's, her smiles and throwing fits, her very normal baby side. I loved reading about how even though she has Down syndrome and is delayed in some areas, she is a normal baby with good days and bad days and a love for water like her brother and food she does and does not like. It showed me that while my little boy might be different, he will still be my little boy.
My funk was over. I saw the blue sky again and realized that I could again see my little one as my new baby, Spiderman and Princess Unicorn's little brother, my sweet newborn and that it truly does not matter if he has Down syndrome or not. At least not to me--not anymore. He will be a cutie with blue eyes (genetically they shouldn't be any other color), he will probably have lots of hair like my other two, his first words will be in ASL just as all my kids' were, since I start teaching it to them at birth. He will love his siblings and they will love him. I had my little boy back. While I am curious as to what the next ultrasound will tell us and if they will find more markers for Down syndrome or not, I find myself finally at peace and ready to meet my little boy (in 3 months when he is due) and excited to embrace life with him as a part of it.
(As time went on a shared what was going on with a few more people and was so blessed and thankful for their love and support. Our follow up appointments over the next few months showed both his brain and kidney issues resolving before birth and it turns out he does not have Down syndrome. He will be known to the internet world as Little Einstein)
We had been trying and hoping to add baby number 3 for a while when we found out we were pregnant. We were completely ecstatic! I had an oddly normal pregnancy. With Spiderman and Princess Unicorn I had really rough morning sickness that lasted the whole 9 months. Well, technically I had month 7 off of morning sickness with Spiderman but it came back with a vengeance month 8. This time around it was much more manageable. I was able to function pretty normally and chalked it up to the fact I was going to Zumba 3 times a week and much more active than during my last two pregnancies, but I couldn't get rid of the fear in the back of my mind that something was different with this baby.
We had to wait until 22 1/2 weeks for our gender ultrasound. Really? I was going crazy wanting to know if the little tyke would be a boy or a girl. The week of the appointment was absolutely insane. The Tuesday of that week we had an EEG for sweet Princess Unicorn, Wednesday was the ultrasound, followed by the Thursday check up with the OB and then Friday was a ward dinner Cory and I were in charge of. Due to the ward dinner, we spent the week prepping different foods at our home pretty much every day and having people over to help with the food prep along with passing out fliers, collecting decorations, and organizing everything else for the dinner. Those who know our little Spiderman know that he is a very energetic little guy. He is one of the sweetest and kindest kids I know but really struggles with sitting still and focusing. Just before the week began we were informed that primary, his church class, was going poorly with him and had a meeting to try and figure out how to help him more. It was a crazy week. I kept thinking, "Princess Unicorn has what we think are Absence Seizures, Spiderman has energy and focusing problems at church, I just hope and pray everything is okay with the baby."
The day of the ultrasound came and it was amazing. I love ultrasounds. It is so fun to see the little one growing inside of me. :) I remember she took a really long time examining the little one's head. We switched to a new office so I thought that she was probably just a lot more detailed than our past ultrasound offices and enjoyed seeing the little one. She wasn't a really talkative person, so a lot of the time I wasn't sure what she was looking at. Then she said we were going to see the arms and she couldn't find one of them. I don't mean a, hmmm.. where is the arm? There it is! I mean a full on 5 minutes of her looking for the baby's arm. I was seriously wondering if there was one! She eventually found it tucked behind the baby's back and moved on. She went through the rest of the ultrasound and after convincing the little one to change positions we discovered that we were expecting a boy. I was so happy. Spiderman and Princess Unicorn are going to have a baby brother! I absolutely loved the boy name we picked out and was thrilled that we would get to use it. Everything was great! We headed home to share the good news with the cute little pictures she printed out for us in hand and I just kept praying and thanking Heavenly Father that we had a healthy and strong little boy.
The doctor appointment went great, then came the Friday dinner. CRAZY!!!! I had about 35 minutes that entire day where I was not working on something for the dinner. It was a long, intense evening. M, our exchange student from Japan, was amazing and watched the kids for me in the afternoon so I could be at the church helping set up. I kept thinking, "Princess Unicorn's EEG is done so we just have to wait for the results, we are trying essential oils with Spiderman and they are working great at helping him focus and be calmer, the baby is healthy and strong and this dinner will be done tonight and I can relax again!"
Then I got the phone call. I was busy grabbing a few things at home to run to the dinner when the phone rang. I saw it was my OBGYN's office. I have never gotten a call from them other than appointment reminders so I knew this was probably important. When I answered and heard the doctor's voice as opposed to a nurse, I knew something was going on. He said a bunch of things along the lines of "these things typically turn out fine" and "don't worry about them" before he got to the point. They had found a few abnormalities during the ultrasound. The baby's right kidney is dilated. "Okay," I thought, "I have heard of that before. I know that it is more common in boys, generally fixes itself before birth and mostly just means an increased risk of Down syndrome." I wrote it down on the nearest paper I could find and he went on. Babies have fluid compartments in their brains and our baby had one that is larger than the other. That wasn't something I had heard of and didn't even have time to process it as I wrote it down and he continued. My placenta is too low so to be careful with what I do and watch for bleeding and we would have an ultrasound in two months with a specialist in Provo to get more information on the baby and then he hung up. I finished writing and ran to continue setting up for the dinner and gave Cory a quick call to update him on what the doctor said.
I was working with the other committee members hanging snowflakes at church when it hit me--something may be wrong with the baby's brain. The kidney is one thing, fairly common, normally fixes itself, not too much to worry about. The brain? I felt so lost and confused. I wanted to run home and jump on Google and find out what in the world it meant. I couldn't believe I didn't ask the doctor more questions! I just wrote it down and kept going on. So much was happening in my mind. I was trying so hard to keep on task with this dinner and ended up locking myself in the church library so I could text my best friend that they had found abnormalities and get some kind of support. She offered to google for me but I told her that one of them was with the brain and so I was worried about what she would find and didn't want to be bawling while trying to serve dinner to 100 adults from my ward. She was kind and supportive and seemed to know just what to say to get me to calm down and not burst into tears and I was able to get back to work and pretend everything was fine. The dinner went well. It was a crazy night but I had an amazing committee (and chef/husband/co-chair) and everything came together. Then I went home and the internet searching began.
I mostly focused on the brain issue, which I learned was called Unilateral Ventriculomegaly. As long as the fluid compartment is not above a certain range, the babies tend to turn out normal, as long as there is not a chromosome abnormality (the most common of which is Down syndrome). They mention a lot that if this is the only abnormality, then the babies are almost always fine, but that the risk is greatly increased if another abnormality is present pointing towards a chromosome issue (hmm... like a dilated kidney?). From the many articles I read on both issues, it seemed our chance for this cute little guy having Down syndrome was somewhere between 1:10 and 1:3, depending on the study and website I found.
I should comment here that I absolutely love children with Down syndrome. I was blessed to spend many, many hours volunteering and working at a special needs school and I really enjoyed the children I was able to serve. I also was able to work with children for 4 summers at a Family Camp where I would sometimes have a child up for the week who had special needs. I was always excited when I was told there would be a child with Down syndrome in my class. Those kids were always fun and spunky little ones (I worked with kids 3-5 years old and under depending on the year) and I loved having them in my class and getting to know them. One of my favorite kids I have ever met I was able to have in my class for the whole summer because she lived at the camp with her family. I loved spending so much time with her! I remember deciding that when I was "grown up" I wanted to adopt a child with Down syndrome.
Fast forward to the present time again. As I was doing all of this reading on Google I felt relieved. This little guy will either be normal or have Down syndrome. I can handle that. I can do that. Then the unknown started to set in. This was a really hard time for me. I didn't cry about it. Every experience I have had with children who have Down syndrome has taught me that these are extremely special children and I wasn't upset or angry that there is such a high chance our little guy has it. I think I was feeling more lost. The work I have done has involved children ages 3 to young adult. I have zero experience with Down syndrome infants. What do I expect? How do I care for the baby? Will he be like my other babies? What special help will he need? How will other people treat him? Will other people stare at him a lot? Will he be treated differently? Will people be constantly telling me they are sorry or they wish we didn't have to deal with this? Or perhaps, that they wish he was "normal?" The more I thought about it these concerns ate at me. Especially the concerns over how he would be treated. I loved him already and was looking towards this experience with as much optimism as I could muster but the fear of what others would say about my little boy and the way he would be treated were driving me crazy!
One interesting moment I had was the first time I formally prayed with my family after the phone call. I think it was probably breakfast with my kids the next day. I always include the new baby in the prayers I say, particularly that the baby will be healthy and strong. This time I paused. I have no idea how long I paused in real time but if felt like a while to me. I thought, "Do I keep praying for this when we know something may well be wrong with the baby?" Then I thought, "You prayed that the baby is healthy and strong. That is what has always mattered to you, what you have always wanted. What have you been told? Is the baby strong? Yes. Is the baby healthy? Yes. These abnormalities may affect the baby's cognitive function and/or chromosome count, but the baby is healthy and strong." I felt relieved and blessed and continued with the prayer, thanking Heavenly Father for the baby being healthy and strong and asking that the baby continue to remain healthy and strong.
I didn't tell anyone, other than the best friend I had already texted and Cory, that anything was going on with the baby. I didn't want negativity entering in when I was fighting to stay positive. Mostly I was going absolutely insane not knowing. When we opted out of prenatal genetic testing my thought was, I would be fine finding out our little one has Down syndrome or another genetic problem at birth. It never occurred to me that we could receive abnormal ultrasounds and spend the rest of the pregnancy not knowing. I kept thinking, I am fine either way but I have to know! I am a huge preparer and not knowing what to prepare for was infuriating. After two weeks, I couldn't do it anymore. I was breaking down into tears constantly (not because of the possible diagnoses, but because of the stress of not knowing), avoiding people and spending every moment my kids were asleep googling the abnormalities again and again as if the right website would pop up saying, Ashley, your child does/does not have Down syndrome.
After breaking down to my best friend one day, I am pretty sure her prayers on my behalf were answered. I had the thought that I should research how to deal with uncertainty. I read a mostly unhelpful article which had one amazing, "Duh!" moment for me. The author said when she did not know where her family would be moving and would not find out until just before the move, she planned for both places. That way she was set with either one. It took more time to make two plans but was worth it in the end because they were totally prepared for each outcome. DUH!!!!! Why on earth did I not think of that!? I felt free! I would make a plan for if the little guy comes with a regular number of chromosomes and a plan for if he comes with Down syndrome. Either way, we would be prepared.
I researched everything I could find on Down Syndrome infants and newborns and was surprised how hard it is to find information. It took a while but I started to find the resources I was looking for. I learned that they have poor muscle tone. My infant carrier, which I loved with my other two kids, would not work for this little guy. I researched which one to buy if he has Down syndrome. I read all about the breastfeeding problems they can have due to the low muscle tone and different things to try. I already had a shopping list of things we still need for baby boy but I made a second list of things to add if he has Down syndrome. I started to feel so much less stressed and life continued to go on.
One thing continued to bother me. Whenever I thought of the baby, I thought about whether the baby has Down syndrome or not. Will he be "normal" or not? I was having the hardest time thinking of my baby in any other way. As I read birth stories of Down syndrome infants I saw that many of them commented on how when they looked at their baby, they saw a diagnosis, not a newborn. I realized that was exactly what I was doing when I thought of my baby. I was thinking,"Does he have this diagnosis or not?" I wasn't sure how to stop doing it but it was really bothering me. A friend of mine has a baby boy who is 4 months old and I got to hold him the other day. I loved holding him but the whole time I kept thinking, will my son be like this or will I have to hold him differently because of poor muscle tone? Will he look like this or will his nose and eyes be shaped different? Will he be able to hold his head up? I wanted to stop focusing on these issues and just see the little baby growing inside me as my baby again but I had no idea how.
As I was looking for a good blog to help me know how a Down syndrome baby would be different from a regular baby, I found this amazing site, http://theamazingellagrace.blogspot.com This mother has written since her daughter Ella's birth and she is now in 1st grade. I was able to read all about what she was like for her first years and it was amazing. While I was able to see the differences, I was able to see something even more precious, her little personality, her traits that were so much like her brother's, her smiles and throwing fits, her very normal baby side. I loved reading about how even though she has Down syndrome and is delayed in some areas, she is a normal baby with good days and bad days and a love for water like her brother and food she does and does not like. It showed me that while my little boy might be different, he will still be my little boy.
My funk was over. I saw the blue sky again and realized that I could again see my little one as my new baby, Spiderman and Princess Unicorn's little brother, my sweet newborn and that it truly does not matter if he has Down syndrome or not. At least not to me--not anymore. He will be a cutie with blue eyes (genetically they shouldn't be any other color), he will probably have lots of hair like my other two, his first words will be in ASL just as all my kids' were, since I start teaching it to them at birth. He will love his siblings and they will love him. I had my little boy back. While I am curious as to what the next ultrasound will tell us and if they will find more markers for Down syndrome or not, I find myself finally at peace and ready to meet my little boy (in 3 months when he is due) and excited to embrace life with him as a part of it.
(As time went on a shared what was going on with a few more people and was so blessed and thankful for their love and support. Our follow up appointments over the next few months showed both his brain and kidney issues resolving before birth and it turns out he does not have Down syndrome. He will be known to the internet world as Little Einstein)
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Aspen Grove
I spent 4 of my summers in college working at a camp called Aspen Grove Family Camp which is truly heaven on earth! I even met Cory there my 3rd year! Although we had experienced many weeks of summer camp through working, neither of us had attended one as guests so we decided to head up at the end of May for their first mini-camp.
The first day we met Spiderman's group leaders and watched the opening show with skits put on by the staff. It was the strangest thing to be watching the skits without being in any of them! Spiderman played on the grass at Aspen lawn and loved to climb on the stone turtles, bears, ram and cougar. It took us at least an hour to coax him to walk all the way to our cabin with us as there was so many new things to see.
The second day we took Spiderman to class and headed to the guest lecture on the restoration of the gospel. It was wonderful! Then we picked up Spiderman and played at one of the playgrounds until lunch. After lunch we took Spiderman back to his class (the Rompers) for nap time and we headed to arts and crafts where I picked out special ceramic painting projects I could make for each of the kids. I choose a unicorn for Princess Unicorn and a turtle for Spiderman. Cory spent time working on a Celtic pattern he wanted to press onto leather. Then we had dinner and headed to frontier night! This is an evening where the staff dress up as cowboys and Indians and run a fun western town full of games and activities. It was a blast! Spiderman had a great time trying all the games, picking beads for his leather branded necklace and even was given a huge piece of watermelon that he munched on the whole way back to the cabin until it was devoured. 
On Sunday we ate breakfast and headed to church which is always magical sitting in the outdoor amphitheater surrounded by trees and wildlife. Spiderman was wearing yellow monkey boots and a green sunhat with his church cloths. A boy walked by him and started yelling "Look mom! Its a leprechaun!" over and over until his mom finally said that it was. We took Spiderman to nursery but I missed him so much (as a stay at home mom I am used to being with him all the time) so I went and hung out in nursery too for the last hour. Then we ate lunch during which Spiderman fell asleep in his high chair! We went back to the cabin to let him and Princess Unicorn sleep and then went down to the pond so that Spiderman could throw rocks in the water which he really enjoyed. Next we went to some grass and let him play a while. Then we had dinner and headed to the cabin to put the kids to bed. Over all it was a very peaceful day.
Monday we ate and then took Spiderman to class. Then we worked in arts and crafts on our projects and then went to archery! We only got to shoot once though as the people signed up after us showed up 10 minutes early. We played a few holes of golf on the golf simulator next and then climbed the high ropes course. We grabbed Spiderman for lunch and then had him take his nap at group so we could work frantically in arts and crafts to finish our projects.
As soon as mine was done I grabbed Spiderman from group (he had just woken from nap) and he came to arts and crafts and drew on a shirt with fabric markers. Then it was time t pack up the cabin. Spiderman got really grumpy and when we asked what he wanted he said "home" so it had been perfect timing that we were about to head. It was a wonderful vacation and we can't wait to return for another one.
Princess Unicorn's Blessing
Just as a little background. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have a special event for babies where during our church service the newborn is brought to the front of the congregation and given a blessing, usually by their father who says the blessing as directed by the spirit. This is a scripture talking about it. “Every member of the church of Christ having children is to bring them unto the elders before the church, who are to lay their hands upon them in the name of Jesus Christ, and bless them in his name” (D&C 20:70).
Princess Unicorn was able to be blessed when she was a month old. It was a very special occasion! Spiderman got a brand new suit to wear!
When I was a teenager, my Grandma Robinson gave me a beautiful life size china doll with a long gorgeouse white dress. As I grew older I imagined my baby girls wearing it on their blessing day. Sadly, Grandma passed away a few years ago and was never able to meet my husband (seeing as I wasnt dating him yet) or meet my children. I had no idea if the dress would fit my future girls but hoped it would. I was thrilled when I took it off the doll and tried it on Princess Unicorn. It fit perfectly and felt like a part of my Grandma was with us that day.
Princess Unicorn was also wrapped in a beautiful white blanket made by Aunt Anita, Spiderman was wrapped in the same blanket for his blessing too, which helped feel like she was there as well even though she unfortunately was not able to attend.
We were able to have my parents come to the blessing, which was great! They were able to meet Princess Unicorn and play with Spiderman who enjoyed seeing them again. Cory's parents were also able to come as well as his awesome sister Kelsey and a few of her friends. My close friend Monica came with her family and we had all our friends in our local congregation too. Princess Unicorn was blessed by Cory who blessed her with those things he felt prompted by the spirit to say. It was a beautiful blessing and a very special day. I am so glad we were able to share it with so many friends and family!
Princess Unicorn was able to be blessed when she was a month old. It was a very special occasion! Spiderman got a brand new suit to wear!
Princess Unicorn was also wrapped in a beautiful white blanket made by Aunt Anita, Spiderman was wrapped in the same blanket for his blessing too, which helped feel like she was there as well even though she unfortunately was not able to attend.
We were able to have my parents come to the blessing, which was great! They were able to meet Princess Unicorn and play with Spiderman who enjoyed seeing them again. Cory's parents were also able to come as well as his awesome sister Kelsey and a few of her friends. My close friend Monica came with her family and we had all our friends in our local congregation too. Princess Unicorn was blessed by Cory who blessed her with those things he felt prompted by the spirit to say. It was a beautiful blessing and a very special day. I am so glad we were able to share it with so many friends and family!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Gluten Free Blog
Here is a new blog! This is a blog dedicated to living gluten free and what I have learned and discovered with the help of my awesome culinary genius husband Cory!
The Delicious Gluten Free Life
Hope you enjoy!
The Delicious Gluten Free Life
Hope you enjoy!
Monday, May 6, 2013
Princess Unicorn's Birth Story
Before going into the story I would like to explain something first. I feel very out of place in a world where it seems the thing to do (at least in the area I live) is to have a natural birth where you wait to go into labor when the baby is ready and have the baby without pain medicine and with as little intervention as possible. This was my hope with my son David but as I was over 41 weeks pregnant and the doctors, due to other issues as well as being late, decided to induce me and I had a wonderful experience with his labor despite having to get an epidural. However, due to complications of him being late he had to spend some time in the NICU. I was so thankful that the doctors were able to induce me and get him out before the complications had much more time to develop so that his NICU stay was only an hour or so while they gave him extra help rather than him needing to stay longer or something having happened to him if I waited to go naturally. However, when telling friends about my labor with David I almost felt guilty, or like I somehow failed his labor for being induced, even though it was the best thing to do and I am glad I did it. I found myself feeling the need to justify to others why the doctors thought it best and why I decided to follow their advice. This has greatly bothered me and with Aylah I did a lot of reading about hypnobirthing and hoped and prayed I would go into labor naturally and be able to labor at home for a good while before heading into the hospital for the "perfect" birth experience I felt others were telling me I was suppose to have. It was with that frame of mind that I entered the final weeks of my pregnancy and that is where this story will begin.
Cory and I talked about how long we wanted to wait before being induced in the event that I went over again and decided we wanted to hit 41 weeks before induction. We waited until our 39 week appointment (on a Friday) to discuss it with a doctor because we were being seen by the doctor in the practice who was our favorite and does not like inducing but greatly favors waiting and letting them come when they are ready. Our plan was to discuss this with him after the check up when he asked if we had any questions. After he checked me and the baby he discussed the concerns that he had and asked about my previous induction with David. I gave him the details he wanted and he let out a big sigh before saying how he did not like inductions but felt I needed one as soon as I could get in next week due to a few things that were going on (if you want more details I can share them a bit more personally than the blog). I asked about waiting until the following Friday instead to give her a bit more time to come on her own and he said that he would not recommend waiting but if we had to wait there were a few extra things we needed to be watching for and then go straight to labor and delivery if any showed up. We decided to talk about what we wanted to do and then call labor and delivery to set up an appointment for the day we chose.
Cory and I had a huge discussion (that's probably pretty obvious though) on what to do. On the one hand we wanted to wait until we knew she was ready but on the other hand David had complications because of how late he was. We also were concerned for the items that the doctor brought up and his feeling of urgency for an induction. We decided in the end that of all the doctors in the practice he really was the one we trusted most who was against intervention unless he felt it best for the baby and/or mother's health and that we would go ahead and continue to trust him and get induced on Monday. I called and set up the appointment.
Despite all our hopes and prayers that she would come on her own that weekend (which was the doctors hope as well as he was on call that weekend and was hoping to deliver her) she did not. Monday morning came and we got the call at 5:45 to be at the hospital as soon as possible. We arrived at 6ish leaving David with Grandma and Grandpa Mills as they live only a few hours away and were planning on coming down to watch him when/if I went into labor on my own. When we arrived one of my first questions was which doctor was on call. By chance with David we got the doctor I was hoping for but this time my least favorite doctor was on call. I had successfully avoided him through the whole pregnancy and was really bummed that he was the one that would deliver my daughter.
I was started on the Pitocin at 7 and Cory and I began the day by playing bananagrams! At about 8 I couldn't focus on the game anymore and the nurse was saying how that was a great sign. By 8:30 I was using my hypnobirthing relaxing techniques for each wave (they don't like to use the word contraction with hypnobirthing so we used wave instead). I feel most relaxed when laying and watching a movie so we put on Megamind and I continued to relax. The doctor broke my water at 10:30 am hoping that it would help speed things along and the waves really picked up at that point. I found that as long as I continued to relax I did fine through them but it was beginning to take more of my concentration and I was beginning to need Cory's help as well. (Which he was a fantastic help and 100% there for me the whole time)
I was given a fantastic nurse for the day and she was completely supportive of my desire to go natural (Other than the Pitocin of course). She was extremely encouraging and was constantly telling me how great I was doing and how amazed she was that I was in this much control still. She also commented on how hard it is to labor on Pitocin, especially without an epidural and was so impressed with how well I was doing. (I kept thinking Thank You Hypnobirthing!)
At 1 pm I was still hanging in there. The waves had become intense but with each one I did my relaxing and visualizing and was able to stay in control. Then the woman came. A lady entered the room and asked if she could have a few minutes. She then started explaining how they were doing a study and wanted me to participate in it. She went on about how great the study was and how it would help the future while I was trying to relax through waves and wanted her to hurry up so that I knew what she actually wanted to do to me and my baby. She finally got to that part and it was simply to use a different computer in addition to the one they were currently using. As a thank you for participating they were giving a large box of Huggies diapers which contained enough to last about a month. She left the room for us to discuss it but the problem was that during her whole 20-30 minute visit (she had to stop talking every 2-3 minutes for 1 minute during the waves so it really stretched out the conversation) I had become tense and was trying to focus on making the good decision and understanding what she was talking about instead of relaxing. Cory and I tried to talk but I was losing control of the waves and they started to become really painful as I wasn't relaxing enough. I finally told Cory to just tell her no and help me get relaxed again. He told her and came back to help me.
Just as I began to feel like I might be able to get back in control of the pain the nurse came in. My nurse really was absolutely amazing and this is the only problem/complaint I had with her. During the middle of wave (I had my eyes closed) she began to lower my bed to check my blood pressure. I had not been expecting the bed to suddenly move and I jumped causing my entire body to tense and as soon as that happened I felt the most intense physical pain I recall ever feeling in my life. With my body tense it was fighting against what the contractions were trying to do and I hurt! I spent the next 45 minutes trying to relax but I couldn't convince my mind that the extreme pain was not going to come back with each wave so I kept tensing with each one. They grew steadily worse until I was shaking and crying involuntarily with each one. I couldn't look at Cory because I knew he would be able to see the pain I was in through my eyes and I didn't want to scare him. The nurse came in and checked me but my labor seemed to have stalled as I had progressed very little in the last 2 hours. At that point I decided that I didn't want to go natural anymore if this was what I was going to feel (because of not being able to relax and get back in control) for the next who knows how many hours and I asked for an epidural.
My nurse continued to be kind and supportive and mentioned multiple times how much harder contractions are when they are caused by Pitocin rather than going into labor on your own and that I should be proud of what I was able to do. I received the epidural around 2:30ish so I went about 7 1/2 hours on Pitocin without it. I was glad for her support and especially glad for the help I was able to get. The epidural had a button that let me control how much medicine I received so I was able to keep it at a point where I could still feel the waves and relax through them without losing control. I was able to calm down and was really frustrated that the lady came in to talk to us about the study as I felt that was what threw me off and if she hadn't come in I would have been able to keep going without any problems. Then I had the thought, "I WANT THOSE DIAPERS! I lost my pain free hynobirth to my baby girl because of that study so I want to get everything I can out of it!" I sent Cory to find the lady and she returned 20 minutes later to add the additional computer and bring me my huge box of size 1 diapers.
I sent Cory to get some lunch from the cafeteria about 3:30. I was checked at that point and had again had no change in my progress. I was so glad that I had relief from that intense pain so that I did not have to hear that I put up with it for another hour without any change. The nurse recommended I try and sleep as I was complete exhausted. I was not expecting the emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion that would come from the constant focus on staying relaxed and breathing through the waves. I fell asleep about 4 pm but was awakened when Cory came in at 4:15. At 4:30 I suddenly felt like it was time to push. I remembered feeling that with David and calling the nurse but my nurse this time said she was going to check on me about 4:30 so I decided to wait until she came in. She must have thought I was sleeping because she didn't come till 5. When I told her I felt like pushing she said, "How exciting! You should have called me sooner so we could check!" She did a quick check and sure enough we were ready to go. She left to get the doctor.
She came back into the room about 10 after 5 and said that unfortunatly the doctor was in a c-section so they had to call in a different doctor from the practice to deliver the baby and he would be here in about 5 minutes. Who was the doctor that was coming? My favorite doctor who had sent us in to get the induction! I was beyond thrilled that he would be doing the delivery! He arrived and said how excited he was that they called him over to delivery me! (Keep in mind he had been on call all weekend delivering babies, just worked a full day at the office and was called over right when he should have been heading home. He really is a great doctor!) After letting me do 1/8th of a push before stopping me (I pushed for just under 3 hours with David before he was born so they wanted to make sure she was really ready) he got ready to deliver her and on my second push Princess Unicorn was born at 5:32 pm. She weighed in at 8 lbs 14 oz and was 21 inches long. Everyone commented on the large amount of dark hair she had! She was perfect and healthy as can be without any NICU time needed. She nursed right away and we were able to do skin to skin. (Both of which I wasn't able to do with Spiderman until hours later because of his complications) It was an amazing experience!
Spiderman came to meet Princess Unicorn the next day and our family was complete. He took to her right away and even understood that it was the same Princess Unicorn that had been growing in mommy's tummy. We were so thrilled to be all together at last.
Through this experience I have learned how even more grateful I am for modern medicine and the wisdom of my doctor. While I would have loved to go into labor on my own and had the epidural free hypnobirth I am more thankful that the the doctors were able to bring me both of my children through induction so that Spiderman and Princess Unicorn could both be here safe and sound. I am so glad that my doctor was able to recognize Princes Unicorn was ready to come and to help us get her here safe.
Cory and I talked about how long we wanted to wait before being induced in the event that I went over again and decided we wanted to hit 41 weeks before induction. We waited until our 39 week appointment (on a Friday) to discuss it with a doctor because we were being seen by the doctor in the practice who was our favorite and does not like inducing but greatly favors waiting and letting them come when they are ready. Our plan was to discuss this with him after the check up when he asked if we had any questions. After he checked me and the baby he discussed the concerns that he had and asked about my previous induction with David. I gave him the details he wanted and he let out a big sigh before saying how he did not like inductions but felt I needed one as soon as I could get in next week due to a few things that were going on (if you want more details I can share them a bit more personally than the blog). I asked about waiting until the following Friday instead to give her a bit more time to come on her own and he said that he would not recommend waiting but if we had to wait there were a few extra things we needed to be watching for and then go straight to labor and delivery if any showed up. We decided to talk about what we wanted to do and then call labor and delivery to set up an appointment for the day we chose.
Cory and I had a huge discussion (that's probably pretty obvious though) on what to do. On the one hand we wanted to wait until we knew she was ready but on the other hand David had complications because of how late he was. We also were concerned for the items that the doctor brought up and his feeling of urgency for an induction. We decided in the end that of all the doctors in the practice he really was the one we trusted most who was against intervention unless he felt it best for the baby and/or mother's health and that we would go ahead and continue to trust him and get induced on Monday. I called and set up the appointment.
Despite all our hopes and prayers that she would come on her own that weekend (which was the doctors hope as well as he was on call that weekend and was hoping to deliver her) she did not. Monday morning came and we got the call at 5:45 to be at the hospital as soon as possible. We arrived at 6ish leaving David with Grandma and Grandpa Mills as they live only a few hours away and were planning on coming down to watch him when/if I went into labor on my own. When we arrived one of my first questions was which doctor was on call. By chance with David we got the doctor I was hoping for but this time my least favorite doctor was on call. I had successfully avoided him through the whole pregnancy and was really bummed that he was the one that would deliver my daughter.
I was started on the Pitocin at 7 and Cory and I began the day by playing bananagrams! At about 8 I couldn't focus on the game anymore and the nurse was saying how that was a great sign. By 8:30 I was using my hypnobirthing relaxing techniques for each wave (they don't like to use the word contraction with hypnobirthing so we used wave instead). I feel most relaxed when laying and watching a movie so we put on Megamind and I continued to relax. The doctor broke my water at 10:30 am hoping that it would help speed things along and the waves really picked up at that point. I found that as long as I continued to relax I did fine through them but it was beginning to take more of my concentration and I was beginning to need Cory's help as well. (Which he was a fantastic help and 100% there for me the whole time)
I was given a fantastic nurse for the day and she was completely supportive of my desire to go natural (Other than the Pitocin of course). She was extremely encouraging and was constantly telling me how great I was doing and how amazed she was that I was in this much control still. She also commented on how hard it is to labor on Pitocin, especially without an epidural and was so impressed with how well I was doing. (I kept thinking Thank You Hypnobirthing!)
At 1 pm I was still hanging in there. The waves had become intense but with each one I did my relaxing and visualizing and was able to stay in control. Then the woman came. A lady entered the room and asked if she could have a few minutes. She then started explaining how they were doing a study and wanted me to participate in it. She went on about how great the study was and how it would help the future while I was trying to relax through waves and wanted her to hurry up so that I knew what she actually wanted to do to me and my baby. She finally got to that part and it was simply to use a different computer in addition to the one they were currently using. As a thank you for participating they were giving a large box of Huggies diapers which contained enough to last about a month. She left the room for us to discuss it but the problem was that during her whole 20-30 minute visit (she had to stop talking every 2-3 minutes for 1 minute during the waves so it really stretched out the conversation) I had become tense and was trying to focus on making the good decision and understanding what she was talking about instead of relaxing. Cory and I tried to talk but I was losing control of the waves and they started to become really painful as I wasn't relaxing enough. I finally told Cory to just tell her no and help me get relaxed again. He told her and came back to help me.
Just as I began to feel like I might be able to get back in control of the pain the nurse came in. My nurse really was absolutely amazing and this is the only problem/complaint I had with her. During the middle of wave (I had my eyes closed) she began to lower my bed to check my blood pressure. I had not been expecting the bed to suddenly move and I jumped causing my entire body to tense and as soon as that happened I felt the most intense physical pain I recall ever feeling in my life. With my body tense it was fighting against what the contractions were trying to do and I hurt! I spent the next 45 minutes trying to relax but I couldn't convince my mind that the extreme pain was not going to come back with each wave so I kept tensing with each one. They grew steadily worse until I was shaking and crying involuntarily with each one. I couldn't look at Cory because I knew he would be able to see the pain I was in through my eyes and I didn't want to scare him. The nurse came in and checked me but my labor seemed to have stalled as I had progressed very little in the last 2 hours. At that point I decided that I didn't want to go natural anymore if this was what I was going to feel (because of not being able to relax and get back in control) for the next who knows how many hours and I asked for an epidural.
My nurse continued to be kind and supportive and mentioned multiple times how much harder contractions are when they are caused by Pitocin rather than going into labor on your own and that I should be proud of what I was able to do. I received the epidural around 2:30ish so I went about 7 1/2 hours on Pitocin without it. I was glad for her support and especially glad for the help I was able to get. The epidural had a button that let me control how much medicine I received so I was able to keep it at a point where I could still feel the waves and relax through them without losing control. I was able to calm down and was really frustrated that the lady came in to talk to us about the study as I felt that was what threw me off and if she hadn't come in I would have been able to keep going without any problems. Then I had the thought, "I WANT THOSE DIAPERS! I lost my pain free hynobirth to my baby girl because of that study so I want to get everything I can out of it!" I sent Cory to find the lady and she returned 20 minutes later to add the additional computer and bring me my huge box of size 1 diapers.
I sent Cory to get some lunch from the cafeteria about 3:30. I was checked at that point and had again had no change in my progress. I was so glad that I had relief from that intense pain so that I did not have to hear that I put up with it for another hour without any change. The nurse recommended I try and sleep as I was complete exhausted. I was not expecting the emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion that would come from the constant focus on staying relaxed and breathing through the waves. I fell asleep about 4 pm but was awakened when Cory came in at 4:15. At 4:30 I suddenly felt like it was time to push. I remembered feeling that with David and calling the nurse but my nurse this time said she was going to check on me about 4:30 so I decided to wait until she came in. She must have thought I was sleeping because she didn't come till 5. When I told her I felt like pushing she said, "How exciting! You should have called me sooner so we could check!" She did a quick check and sure enough we were ready to go. She left to get the doctor.
She came back into the room about 10 after 5 and said that unfortunatly the doctor was in a c-section so they had to call in a different doctor from the practice to deliver the baby and he would be here in about 5 minutes. Who was the doctor that was coming? My favorite doctor who had sent us in to get the induction! I was beyond thrilled that he would be doing the delivery! He arrived and said how excited he was that they called him over to delivery me! (Keep in mind he had been on call all weekend delivering babies, just worked a full day at the office and was called over right when he should have been heading home. He really is a great doctor!) After letting me do 1/8th of a push before stopping me (I pushed for just under 3 hours with David before he was born so they wanted to make sure she was really ready) he got ready to deliver her and on my second push Princess Unicorn was born at 5:32 pm. She weighed in at 8 lbs 14 oz and was 21 inches long. Everyone commented on the large amount of dark hair she had! She was perfect and healthy as can be without any NICU time needed. She nursed right away and we were able to do skin to skin. (Both of which I wasn't able to do with Spiderman until hours later because of his complications) It was an amazing experience!
Spiderman came to meet Princess Unicorn the next day and our family was complete. He took to her right away and even understood that it was the same Princess Unicorn that had been growing in mommy's tummy. We were so thrilled to be all together at last.
Through this experience I have learned how even more grateful I am for modern medicine and the wisdom of my doctor. While I would have loved to go into labor on my own and had the epidural free hypnobirth I am more thankful that the the doctors were able to bring me both of my children through induction so that Spiderman and Princess Unicorn could both be here safe and sound. I am so glad that my doctor was able to recognize Princes Unicorn was ready to come and to help us get her here safe.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Halloween:
I am a bit behind posting about this but I wanted to write it none the less. Halloween was really fun with little Spiderman this year. We took Spiderman to a place called Pumpkin land with a kid friendly corn maze, farm animals, climbing toys, and lots of pumpkins. He was just enjoying the stroller ride until we came up on the animals. He absolutely loved the Goats and one of the workers gave Cory some food to give them which made Spiderman laugh a lot! He was able to see goats, ducks, rabbits, doves, peacocks, chickens, and lots of other animals. He even got to pick out his own pumpkin afterwards. It was a fun adventure.
We went to the supermarket's trick or treat activity a few days before Halloween and although Spiderman didn't understand what the candy was he did enjoy having people hand him things that he could put in a bucket. He dressed up as a dragon this year and Cory and I were both dressed as medieval folk. We were also able to walk around a fun little carnival and ride in a horse drawn carriage. The little man's favorite part was a small petting zoo they had set up and he was able to pet a goat and a bunny, both of which made him laugh.
On Halloween day I took him to the city library for story time and then at night we went trunk or treating at our local church building. Members of the congregation gather together and park their cars in the parking lot. Then they sit in their trunks and hand out candy. We decided to hand out candy first so the older kids at the party could go around and then take Spiderman around at the end since he is still pretty young to understand the whole concept and we knew he wouldn't mind not getting a ton of candy if people ran out. Spiderman caught on really quickly to what mom and dad were doing. He had just started walking a week or two before hand and he had his candy bucket down next to him. Realizing what the game was, he reached in his bucket, pulled out a piece of candy, then started chasing down the nearest kid so he could put his candy in their bucket. This continued until he was out of his candy from the activity we went to at the supermarket. It was so precious to watch the little almost 14 month old dragon waddle around giving away his candy! Once we ran out we took Spiderman around and he got a nice little pile of candy that he is still working through. He certainly knows what candy is now though, thanks to Halloween, and I think he may be a little more excited about people giving it to him next year although we sure enjoyed watching him give all of his away.
I am a bit behind posting about this but I wanted to write it none the less. Halloween was really fun with little Spiderman this year. We took Spiderman to a place called Pumpkin land with a kid friendly corn maze, farm animals, climbing toys, and lots of pumpkins. He was just enjoying the stroller ride until we came up on the animals. He absolutely loved the Goats and one of the workers gave Cory some food to give them which made Spiderman laugh a lot! He was able to see goats, ducks, rabbits, doves, peacocks, chickens, and lots of other animals. He even got to pick out his own pumpkin afterwards. It was a fun adventure.
We went to the supermarket's trick or treat activity a few days before Halloween and although Spiderman didn't understand what the candy was he did enjoy having people hand him things that he could put in a bucket. He dressed up as a dragon this year and Cory and I were both dressed as medieval folk. We were also able to walk around a fun little carnival and ride in a horse drawn carriage. The little man's favorite part was a small petting zoo they had set up and he was able to pet a goat and a bunny, both of which made him laugh.
On Halloween day I took him to the city library for story time and then at night we went trunk or treating at our local church building. Members of the congregation gather together and park their cars in the parking lot. Then they sit in their trunks and hand out candy. We decided to hand out candy first so the older kids at the party could go around and then take Spiderman around at the end since he is still pretty young to understand the whole concept and we knew he wouldn't mind not getting a ton of candy if people ran out. Spiderman caught on really quickly to what mom and dad were doing. He had just started walking a week or two before hand and he had his candy bucket down next to him. Realizing what the game was, he reached in his bucket, pulled out a piece of candy, then started chasing down the nearest kid so he could put his candy in their bucket. This continued until he was out of his candy from the activity we went to at the supermarket. It was so precious to watch the little almost 14 month old dragon waddle around giving away his candy! Once we ran out we took Spiderman around and he got a nice little pile of candy that he is still working through. He certainly knows what candy is now though, thanks to Halloween, and I think he may be a little more excited about people giving it to him next year although we sure enjoyed watching him give all of his away.
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